


The Professor and the Raccoon

by GhostFyre



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, College Student Rey (Star Wars), F/M, Mutual Pining, Obsessive Kylo Ren, POV Alternating, Power Dynamics, Professor Ben Solo, Protective Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Teacher-Student Relationship, Writer Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:13:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostFyre/pseuds/GhostFyre
Summary: Professor Ben Solo, frustrated after a semester-end department meeting, steps out for a smoke and catches his most promising student, Rey Niima, dumpster diving. This interaction leads to the breakdown of the boundaries he has painstakingly maintained all semester.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 19
Kudos: 86





	The Professor and the Raccoon

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, there! Thanks for visiting :) 
> 
> There is a POV change about halfway through marked with a horizontal line.

Ben exited the English department building through the back door with a huff. Luke could be such a sanctimonious asshole. The entire meeting had been a farce. The real purpose was to chastise Ben for his low student evaluation scores for an hour and a half. It was nothing new. During the meetings, Ben and Luke would repeat the same argument over and over like they were stuck in a time loop. Luke would always tell him to grade his Intro to Creative Writing students on progress. Ben would inform him that he does exactly that, but the majority of them displayed none. Coruscant University was apparently prestigious, but you wouldn’t know it from the rubbish his students turned in. 

Ben had whirled on his colleagues and informed them that they, with their glowing evaluations, were at fault for his low ones. They had made the students complacent by setting a precedent of A’s being handed out like candy.

“This is why no one takes our department seriously!” he had yelled. “Why don’t one of you teach the damn class then? You just want me to be your puppet anyway. A robot could teach the class the way you want it taught.” 

On cue, Luke had pinched his brow and gave him the same tired reminder that he was required to teach at least one general education course. Ben had told him to go ahead and fire him then. They both knew nothing would change between the end of this semester and the next, but that didn’t stop either of them from getting worked up about it. 

Ben pulled a pack of cigarettes out from his inner coat pocket, and stuffed one into his mouth, grumbling under his breath. 

“Fuck.” He groaned as he patted down his pockets in an attempt to locate his lighter. Did he leave it in his office? He had been about to backtrack in search of it, when he heard a sneeze. Ben raked his eyes suspiciously around the alley, there was no one and nothing here other than him and the dumpster. Finals were officially over, and any stragglers would be huddled in the warmth of the library. 

“Is someone there?” he called. He waited. The cigarette hung forgotten on his lips. His ears were pricked to any noise around him. Just when he convinced himself that his mind had been playing tricks, he heard a slight rustling from inside the dumpster. A raccoon? No. It was a human sneeze. Ben narrowed his eyes at the structure. A paranoid thought danced through his mind that someone was spying on him.

No. He’s gone. There is nothing to be afraid of now. 

Ben took a deep, steadying breath before marching up to the dumpster and peering inside. Wide hazel eyes starred back up at him, eyes he recognized. 

Rey? 

Her hair was a mess, there was grease on her cheek, and she was cradling a half-eaten bagel, but it was definitely her. As usual, she wasn’t wearing a coat despite the frigid temperature. It made him angry every time he saw her. Did no one care about her enough to ensure that she had proper winter clothing? Or, proper clothing period? The beige hoodie she wore daily nearly reached her knees and her shoes looked like they were about to fall off of her feet. He thought the shoes looked a little too big as well. She was destined to slip on ice and injure herself, and he imagined her feet got soaked whenever there was snow on the ground. 

Ben glanced guiltily at his own waterproof boots. The moment he broke eye contact, Rey nimbly sprung herself up and out of the dumpster and started to run from him. Ben acted purely on instinct, stepping around her and grabbing her shoulders with an iron grip. She tried to wrench herself away from him, but he held fast, moving his leg to block a kick aimed at his groin. He gritted his teeth; the cigarette was long gone and smashed beneath her struggling feet. She was deceptively strong.

Ben leaned down so that he was at eye level with her. She obviously thought he was trying to harm her. Did she not recognize him? The light was dim, and his face must have been shadowed as he leaned over the dumpster. 

“Miss. Niima,” he said calmly, and then hissed in pain as one of her wild kicks connected. “Miss. Niima, stop it.” 

Rey looked at him and this time recognition flickered across her expression. She froze. 

“Professor Solo?” she said. 

He loosened his grip on her but did not let go entirely. This was the closest he had ever been to her. This was the first time he had touched her. 

When a student had burst into his classroom ten minutes late on the first day of class, he had spun from the blackboard mid-sentence, murder in his heart. He opened his mouth to tell her to get the hell out and never return, then their eyes met, and the oxygen was sucked from the room. Ben hadn’t even known her name he would have driven a knife through his own heart if she wished it. He acknowledged that was a creepy thing to think about anyone, particularly a stranger, and a student at that. He managed himself with great care around her for the entire semester, not wanting to reveal even a hint of his feelings. The more he got to know her, the harder it was. The end of the semester was both a massive weight off his chest and a crushing disappointment. 

Rey shook his hands off her. “Why’d you grab me like that?” 

Ben bristled at her accusing tone. “I was apprehending a person lurking in the dumpster who might have been a potential threat to student safety,” he said. 

“Do I look like a threat?” 

“No,” he said, “but I didn’t know it was you.” 

“Can I go then?” 

Ben hesitated. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Are you okay?” 

“You didn’t frighten me. I’m fine.” 

Ben looked down at her, his heart twisting. He had known she was not well off, but he had never imagined that she didn’t have money for food. He kicked himself for not realizing, for not helping her.

“What were you doing?” he asked. The moment the words left his mouth he knew they were wrong. Wrong and stupid. 

“What the hell do you think I was doing?” She demanded, looking like she would cut him down where he stood if only she had the necessary tool. 

“I don’t know. That’s why I am–”

“I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, professor. And I don’t feel like being humiliated right now. So, if you aren’t going to drag me to security, then I’m off. Have a wonderful holiday.” She started out of the alley, leaving him with his mouth agape. 

Ben knew he should let her go. Let her walk to her dorm alone wearing a thin hoodie against the freezing wind, let her go to bed hungry and lonely. The righteous half of him was screaming at him that it was his responsibility as her professor to make sure that she wasn’t literally freezing and starving. A treacherous part was whispering that an opportunity like this one would not present itself again. He dismissed the whisper in favor of the truth, he just wanted to help her. 

Rey was about to turn out of his sight when he called to her. She didn’t stop. 

Ben jogged to her retreating form. “Miss Niima, wait.” 

She whirled on him, angry tears in her eyes. “What do you want?” 

“Rey,” he said her name softly, relishing it, “my intent was not to humiliate you.” He stepped closer. “My word choice was poor.” 

“You just wanted to make me admit that I was digging in the trash for food?” Her words were angry, but her eyes fell to her feet, silent tears falling to the ground. 

“I am sorry, Rey. I wasn’t thinking,” he said. Ben still wasn’t really thinking. He stepped closer to her. “I only asked because I want to help.” 

Ben’s conscience screamed at him to stop as he reached out to her. His dark side egged him on, its ink black tendrils tangling themselves in his soul. In that moment he completely forgot all of the external reasons that influenced his decision to stay away from her. Now, she was just a woman he cared for. If she jerked away now, then he would force himself to forget her forever. 

Ben curled his fingers around Rey’s chin and gently tilted it upwards so that she was forced to look at him. Rey’s gaze was fierce. The tears running down her cheeks did not diminish her strength, instead, they left warpaint in their wake. He tenderly wiped them away with the back of one gloved hand, while the other absentmindedly traced her jawline with its fingers. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, leaning into his touch. His hand fell to her waist. He resisted the urge to pull her body flush his. The static winter air crackled within the inch of space left between them. 

“Never be ashamed, Rey.” He murmured. Gods, her name felt like honey on his tongue. 

She nodded at him mutely. Her lips parted slightly, her warm breath puffing in a cloud before her. 

She feels it too. 

It would be so easy to lean down and kiss her, to push her against the wall and devour her where she stood. 

He pulled away from her, but not far. Rey advanced half a step forward as if she missed the closeness. She is freezing, he thought. He began unzipping his coat. 

“Professor…” she started to protest, as he draped it around her shivering form.

“Not a word, Miss Niima,” he said sternly as he zipped it up and lifted the hood to shield her face and ears from the chill. “That’s better. Isn’t it?” It was endearing to see her engulfed in his clothing. 

Without his coat, Ben was left in a corded sweater. While he certainly wouldn’t get into the habit of stepping into the winter chill in this attire, he thought it probably did a better job of protecting him against the cold than the hoodie had her. 

She smiled at him. “Thank you, Professor Solo. If you walk me to my dorm, I’ll give it back to you.” 

Doubt flashed through his mind. Did she want to get away from him? 

Ben took a second to think. He could offer to buy her dinner. That would be the most proper thing. She might be more likely to agree to that than to go to back to his house with him. She really didn’t know him, after all. He decided to roll the dice and leave it up to her. He thought about the eager way she had looked up at him, and how she had seemed to revel in his touch.

“I actually was just about to go home and make myself dinner. You’d be welcome to join me if you wished. Or, if it’d make you feel more comfortable, I could buy you dinner.” And breakfast, and lunch, and dinner again, forever. 

She contemplated, biting her lip and rocking to and fro on edges of her feet. Ben would have traded all the wealth in the world to invade her mind right then. 

“What are you cooking?” She asked. 

“Gnocchi.” Ben was not able to contain his smile, nor the swell in his heart. 

She returned his smile with one that shone brighter than all the stars in the galaxy. “I don’t know what that is, but it sounds great.” Rey’s stomach rumbled audibly in agreement. 

When was the last time she ate? It infuriated Ben that she would be allowed to go hungry. She was a scholarship student with utterly useless parents. Still, he had assumed that the school covered a modest meal plan at the very least. 

Ben watched her from the corner of his eye as he drove. He deliberately kept the radio off in hope of a conversation sprouting between them. Rey put her hands to the vents to warm them faster. Seeing that, he pressed a button on the dash, and she squealed in delight when her seat warmed up. 

“This is so posh.” She giggled. 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

Rey was silent for a while, chewing on her lip and looking out the window. Then, she turned her beautiful eyes on him. 

“Does your girlfriend live with you?” she asked, casually. 

“No.” He told himself she wasn’t asking in order to determine his eligibility. She was asking in order to assess the situation she would be walking into. He added the information despite its irrelevance, because he had a burning need for her to know: “I don’t have one.” 

“That’s surprising.” 

Ben thought she was blushing, but he couldn’t be sure. Her cheeks had already been red from the cold. 

“Is it really?” he asked, looking over at her as long as he could without crashing and killing them both. He didn’t think she was being sarcastic. Rey wasn’t mean spirited. 

She blew a long breath out and started fiddling with the vents again. “Well, yeah,” she said, not looking at him. “I mean… I knew you weren’t married because you don’t have a ring. I’m just surprised because you’re so... you know.” Rey shrugged. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” Ben kept looking at her, trying to make her meet his eyes. 

“All the girls on campus are in love with you.” She was definitely blushing then. 

Ben highly doubted that. Despite being nowhere near on the level of attractiveness that would constitute such mass scale romantic feelings, he was a complete asshole to his students. He was sure some registered for his class out of curiosity, to see the once mighty Ben Solo now fallen. However, most only kept coming because his intro class filled a general education slot. The students in his higher-level courses were willing to overlook his cruelty and ruthless grading because they hoped to milk his prior fame and success in order to make it their own. Rey was only in his intro class for the general education credit, but her writing managed to exist on a vastly different realm than even the students he might have considered promising. 

He had pushed down his attraction to her as far as he could at first, but it had reared its ugly head when he read her first assignment. Usually, when he read his student’s pieces, particularly those in his intro class, he savagely took a red pen to them and fought the impulse to fail them. He really did keep Luke’s advice to “grade on improvement” in the forefront of his mind when he graded. “Look harder,” Luke had told him when Ben responded that most of them weren’t capable of improvement. Luke believed that you could find a good story in everyone. Ben thought maybe that was true, but they’d need to hire someone else to write it. 

Rey was different. Her writing brimmed with raw talent and passion. In the first piece, she wrote of an oasis island in a desert sea from the perspective of a dehydrated sailor alone on a skiff hallucinating as she died. He lost himself in it. He felt the character’s desperation, fear, and undying hope. He saw the island with her. He felt the grass beneath his feet, and the sweet cool water of the stream on his lips. Together they had found what she sought in a dark cave, they found answers, they found closure. 

Ben had made photocopies of the initial draft and every iteration that followed. He kept them in a neat stack in his desk at home and had read them each a thousand times. 

Rey’s writing still had issues, of course. She was amazing at stories which featured only one character. However, when he had forced her to write something with dialogue, he found that she wrote it like she was an alien who had never heard a human conversation. Her poetry was not bad, but it was stiff and lacked vulnerability. 

When Ben had found out that the first budding writer to set foot in his classroom with any real talent was an engineering major, he had to fight the urge to tear his office to pieces. Thanks to his uncle, he had gotten pretty good at managing his anger, and hadn’t had any real outbursts since he had been a teenager. Ben was able to keep that streak going by practicing every single meditation technique Luke had ever taught him. He had slammed his laptop shut and thrown a half full mug of coffee at the wall. There was now a stain on the carpet, and he was down a mug. That was an acceptable amount of damage in comparison to his past rampages. 

“All of the girls on campus are in love with me?” he asked. He knew he should drop the subject but he didn’t want to. 

Rey’s eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Not me. I just meant… before you come into class the girls giggle about how handsome you are. They don’t even mind when you score them low. They joke about asking you for extra credit, if you know what I mean. One of them even said that I must have done something with you to get such good grades.” 

The smile on Ben’s gave way to a grimace. He clenched the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles went white. 

“Who said that about you?” he asked, struggling to keeping his tone even. 

“Why? It was harmless, promise.” 

“I haven’t submitted my final grades yet, and they… slandered you.” 

Rey’s melodic laughter filled his car. “It was a joke, professor. You know what a joke is, right? You’re sexually attractive and your aloofness makes you even more appealing, so of course they say things like that. They know we aren’t sleeping together.” 

Ben forced himself to calm down. The mental image of Rey on her knees for him in his office was appealing, and the fantasy of the power balance was exciting. However, if she came to his office offering herself to him for a better grade, he would have told her that no sexual favors were necessary. He was already a slave to her every desire. Besides that, he did not grade her specially. In fact, he went harder on her than anyone else because he knew she could rise to his expectations. Every one of them had read her work during their workshopping periods, and it had driven a few of them to tears. Obviously, her final work would get a higher grade than their pathetic excuses for fiction. It rubbed him the wrong way as well that any of them would think they had leverage over him with which to increase their grades. He only had eyes for Rey, and they were only allowed to go unscathed now due to her mercy. 

“I know what a joke is. A requirement for a statement to be a joke is that it must be funny.” 

“To be honest, I didn’t think it was funny either,” Rey admitted. “It wasn’t a big deal at all, though. And I gave her hell for implying that, promise.” 

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Ben tortured himself with the fact that Rey stated that he was “sexually attractive” as a fact. Not: “They think you are sexually attractive.” Instead: “You are sexually attractive.” 

“This is it,” he said as they pulled into the driveway. 

Ben felt nervous as a teenager as he led her inside. It felt dirty to take her here, to have her all to himself in a completely private environment. At the same time, it felt like one of the most natural and right things he had done in his life. He took off his gloves and helped her out of the coat. His bare fingers brushed against hers when they both moved to unzip it. He pushed hers aside gently as he pulled the zipper down. Despite the fact that he was just removing the outer layer he had imposed on her less than an hour ago, it felt delicious to undress her. 

Rey pulled that awful hoodie off as well, making a comment he didn’t hear about the temperature of his house. Ben’s eyes were glued to her toned stomach as her shirt rode up during the removal process and he caught a glimpse of the bottom of her bra before she tugged back down with an apologetic smile. The absence of the hoodie revealed leggings that clung to her like a second skin, giving him a view of her shapely ass.

“Professor Solo?” The demure way she said the honorific did unspeakable things to him, especially with the “extra credit” scenario still ringing in his mind. 

Ben reluctantly tore his eyes from her body, praying he didn’t look as perverse as he felt. “Yes, Miss Niima?” 

“Could I use your toilet?”

* * *

“What the hell is happening?” Rey whispered at her reflection. 

Along with literally everyone else, Rey had been nursing a desperate crush on Professor Solo all semester. Even Poe was wild for him. Rey was also in the same boat as the rest of the student body in the fact that he was totally indifferent to her. She had been surprised when, on the return of her final draft, he had written: “Good job. Consider enrolling in the next course,” and that he had given her an A+ total course grade. This was immediately after he had openly implored the entire class not to continue on to higher level courses because their writing was unsalvageable. 

Rey hadn’t had much of a crush on anyone before. She’d never had a chance. 

Her feelings for him had only deepened as she worked her way through everything of his she could find of his at the university library. She had even caught a bus to a niche bookstore to spend money she really didn’t have on a thickly bound collection of his short stories. The shopkeeper, Maz, had thrown in a book of poetry for free with a wink. She informed Rey that the general consensus among Ben Solo’s true fans was that he had written it under the pseudonym Kylo Ren. She ended up reading it cover to cover countless times. 

There was one in particular, the last and longest one, that she knew by heart. Rey hadn’t been exposed to much poetry during her childhood in Jakku, so she wasn’t sure she interpreted it correctly, but it didn’t matter. It was less about what it meant and more about how it made her feel. It brought her back to being alone and desperate, huddled in a ball in the street during a sudden sandstorm. No one had let her in when the alarm went off. She had screamed into the wind for a mother she now did not remember, but all that did was nearly suffocate her with sand. No one came for her, no one ever would. She had been thrown away like she was nothing. Rey thought that if Professor Solo could write something that encompassed her isolation and fear so completely, that maybe he could understand her. 

Rey regarded herself critically. She was a mess. She was always a mess in comparison to the other girls on campus, but now more than ever after her dumpster diving session. Rey wished, and not for the first time, that she could have just been given a quarter of what the other girls at university had. She knew that if Professor Solo were to look twice at any student, it certainly wouldn’t be her. Especially now. So, even though she had made light of it, it made her heart twist with jealousy when a group of girls in her class had started playacting asking Professor Solo for “extra credit.” 

“Isn’t there anything I could do to make this up, Professor Solo?” Sarah had purred. She dragged out every syllable of his name, and let her eyes drag meaningfully down the space that was meant to represent his body.

When they had pulled Rey into it, she knew they were making fun of her. She played along anyway, and eventually delivered a biting comment at Sarah, assuring her that when Professor Solo had called a story of hers that she was proud of “the work of a pretentious baboon,” and had bidden her to scrap the whole thing in favor of something readable, that he was definitely trying to lure her to his office for a blowjob. 

Rey tried not to hate them. They were just messing around, and she was not thin skinned, but she could not stop herself resenting the way they looked. Even when they wore hoodies and sweatpants, their clothes were well-fitting and fashionable. Their makeup was impeccable, and their hair tumbled down in perfectly curated waves. They wore coats with fur trimmings that made them look like queens of winter. In contrast, Rey owned a dried-out tube of mascara that she had stolen from 7-11 back in Jakku. Her hair was completely unmanageable, probably because she washed it with the same bar as her body, and since she considered conditioner a luxury item. Most importantly, she was always so damn cold. She hadn’t realized just how freezing it got in Coruscant. She was used to the year-round beating heat of Jakku. 

Rey thought about how embarrassing next semester would be in his fiction writing class after he had seen her like this. She had signed up for it immediately when she saw the comment he had made. Rey had been considering it anyway, despite not needing the credit, and his small acknowledgment was enough of a push to pull the trigger. Even if he didn’t feel the same way for her as she did for him, his class, which an advisor had chosen for her when she said she couldn’t care less what she took to fill her general education requirements, had awoken something in her she didn’t know she had. It had provided her with an outlet that she had been missing her entire life. As a bonus, she actually felt like she was kind of good at writing. 

She bit her lip and considered if she should just drop the class and avoid him forever. It’s not like she’d be hanging around the English department much as an engineering major. Rey really didn’t want to drop his class and wondered if she was being hasty. He didn’t seem disgusted by her. And for some reason, despite finding her hunched like a rodent in a dumpster, he was acting vastly different. Familiar, and intimate, like maybe he felt it too. She liked it. 

Never be ashamed, Rey, he had said. The memory of his husky voice was enough to make her shiver. Her name coming from his mouth had felt sensual. He had looked like he had been about to kiss her, and an impulsive and insane part of her almost made her rise to her tippy toes and kiss him instead. Equal parts of her were relieved she hadn’t, and wished she had. 

Rey scrubbed her face with warm water, and patted it dry on her shirt, not wanting to touch anything of his. She pulled the useless and stretched hair tie out with some effort and brushed through the tangles with her fingers the best she could. She attempted to put her hair back up, but the tie snapped. 

“Shit.” That was her last one. Hair down it was. 

She threw a cursory glance at her reflection just before opening the door. She looked a little more put together than before, but that wasn’t saying much. 

Rey padded over to the kitchen, following the noise and smell of food being cooked. The hardwood floor was pleasantly cool in comparison to the comfortable warmth of the house. Professor Solo had taken off his shoes at the door and she had copied him despite being embarrassed by her thin and holey socks. 

Professor Solo turned from the stove at the sound of her approach, a wooden spatula in hand. He had rolled his sleeves up, revealing strong forearms. He smiled at her again. It made her breath hitch to see his handsome, stoic face come to life for her. 

Not for you. A voice hissed at her in her head. You are no one. 

“Your hair looks really nice like that,” he said. 

“Oh.” She ran a hand through it self-consciously. “My hair tie broke.” 

He nodded. “It looks great both ways,” he said, turning back to attend whatever amazing smelling dish he was cooking up. 

“Thank you.” She was not used to being complimented and she felt like she should give him a compliment as well. “I love your hair.” 

Rey watched him freeze in place, his back tense, the spatula still. 

Shit, was that too far? The thought of being thrown out of his warm house back into the cold with an achingly empty stomach frightened her. 

“I’m sorry if that was inappropriate,” she said quickly. “It’s just no one has told me they liked my hair before and yours is really nice and I’m really grateful for your help. I’m sorry if I crossed a line, Professor.” 

He turned back to her; eyes soft. “You can call me Ben. Just don’t let anyone else hear you or my hard-ass cover will be blown.” He grinned. “And, thank you. I am not used to compliments either.” 

“Okay… Ben.” Rey’s heart fluttered in her chest. She hovered in the entryway, not wanting to intrude. 

“So… I mistimed things a bit. The gnocchi are ready, but I threw some butternut squash in the oven to roast and that won’t be done for a while. Do you mind if we eat the squash after?” 

“I don’t mind at all. It smells really good, by the way.” 

“Thank you,” he said while pulling out two plates and spooning portions onto them. Ben handed her a plate with a heaping serving of a funny looking kind of pasta with leaves in it. Her expression must have been obvious, because he laughed. “It’s a potato-based pasta. It’s really good, I promise.” 

“Don’t worry! I’m not picky!” She said hurriedly. “I’d just never seen it before.” 

The moment he placed a fork in her hand Rey began shoveling the food into her mouth without even considering courtesy. He wasn’t lying, it was delicious, especially compared to the stale not-quite-sanitary bagel she had been consuming when he found her. She looked back up at him when she paused to breathe, her plate nearly empty. 

He was staring at her.

“I’m sorry.” Her words were muffled due to the food in her cheeks. “It’s really really good.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” he said firmly. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I would have done this earlier if I would have known you needed help.” 

Rey didn’t know how to respond to that, and he didn’t seem to expect a response. Instead, he placed a hand on the small of her back and led her to the dining room. She loved how casually he had started to touch her. 

He sat her down at the table, gave her shoulder a little squeeze, and placed his plate at the seat across from her.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

Rey’s skin almost seemed to ache in protest at the loss of him. Ben was so gentle, firm, and demanding all at once. She thought about how he had grabbed her in the alley, he held her without hurting her, and even when she hurt him, he wasn’t angry. Then, he had put his coat on her, surrounding her with warmth and his scent. No one had ever sacrificed their comfort for her own before. 

Ben didn’t take long to come back, but by the time he did she had polished off the rest of the gnocchi. Ben returned with a bottle of wine, and two glasses. He placed a glass in front of her.

“Wine?” he asked, turning the label to her for examination. 

Rey had never had a date before. Was this what it would be like? She looked at the label, but she really didn’t know wine. She’d gotten drunk with Poe and Finn off of cheap box wine in the middle of the semester, but that was her only experience. 

“Yeah, looks good,” she said. Then quickly added: “Thank you.” 

Ben was about to pour, but then stopped and looked at her face quizzically. “How old are you, Rey?” 

The legal age for drinking in Coruscant was twenty-one. Rey’s first instinct was to lie, not because she wanted the wine but because she wanted him to see her as older. She forced herself to tell the truth. 

“Eighteen. But where I’m from the legal age for alcohol is whatever age you are when you first manage to nick it,” she said with a roguish smile. 

He chuckled. “Don’t tell on me, okay?” he said conspiratorially, pouring the deep red liquid into her glass. 

The way he said that sent a shiver down her spine. She imagined him saying the same words in a different context, his hands wrapped in her hair, lips inches from hers. 

Don’t tell on me, okay? 

“I would never,” she said, both to the man in front of her and the one in her imagination. 

Ben swallowed visibly. His eyes bore into hers like he was trying to see past them. The intensity of his expression made her want to squirm, and for a panicked moment Rey was sure he had read her thoughts. 

The oven dinged. 

“Ah! That’s the squash. Perfect. More gnocchi?” He gestured to her now empty plate. 

“Please,” she said, nodding. Rey could get used to being waited on like this. 

A silence descended once they were both seated and digging in. Rey wasn’t sure if it was awkward, comfortable, or a mixture of both, but after inhaling an adequate amount of food, she was determined to get him talking. She took a swig of wine. At first, she hadn’t liked the taste and thought that the sweet pink wine she had with Poe and Finn was better. Unlike the boxed wine, which reached a point of intolerable sweetness as she drank more, it got better as she drank. It made her a little braver too. 

“I’ve read everything you’ve ever published,” she blurted. 

Ben met her eyes as he refilled his glass. 

“I didn’t take you for the fangirl type,” he said with a smirk as he raised the cup to his lips. 

“What? I’m not. Plenty of people have read your books.” She said defensively. She felt her face burning. 

“Mmm. Plenty of people have read three of my books. That’s not what you said, though. Unless you were lying…” 

“I…” Gods, she felt like an idiot. “I hadn’t read any of them until the first day of your class. When you were warning us not to ask you why you don’t write anymore and that you would absolutely not be answering any questions about your books… I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.” 

“What did you think?” He asked, sipping at his wine, looking at her intently, like he genuinely cared about her thoughts. 

“‘A New Hope’ was the best and most magical thing I had ever read. I basically didn’t sleep while I was reading it. I finished at three am. Then, I rushed to the library the moment it opened to check out the next two. I loved all three. I hadn’t thought I would ever have been so invested in a… space opera, but I was. And I believed all of it. I felt like I was there.” 

Ben watched her intently. 

“The prequel trilogy was amazing too. I can’t believe they weren’t as well received. The context of Anakin’s turn to the dark side gives Vader more depth as a character. In a way… he did it all for her, for Padmè. He was so scared, and he felt so alone. He couldn’t bear to lose her. Then, he did, and he lost his way back until Luke. And…your short stories.” Rey sighed longingly. “How Bastila used her life force to save her enemy, Revan. Their force bond. Their romance. And the whole concept of grey jedi. Ugh!” she exclaimed. 

“I think you’re the only person in the world who liked them.” 

“You know I’m not. Lots of people enjoyed them.” 

Ben shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I am just glad you did.” 

“Could I ask you something? Even though you said not to ask about–” 

He cut her off. “That rule was for the class. You can ask me anything.” 

“Well… The library doesn’t have your short stories,” she said tentatively. 

“Yes.” 

“I was trying to figure out where I could get them. I found a bookstore that carried the collection bound all together.”

“So, you went to Maz’s?” 

“You know her?”

“Unfortunately. What is your question?” 

“Are you Kylo Ren?” 

Ben’s face grew pink. He knocked back the rest of his wine and poured another glass. 

After an embarssed pause he finally said, “I hope you didn’t waste your money on that.” 

“So, it is you, then?” 

Ben cleared his throat, he looked pained. “Unfortunately, yes.” 

“Why is it unfortunate?” 

“Those poems were…” Ben waved his hands nondescriptly. “I was young when that book was published, and some of those poems were written years before that. The anger present in them, the hate and resentment, it’s not who I am anymore.” 

“I related to them, especially the last one. I… I try to stop it. To be strong and positive, but I feel like there’s something inside of me that… is angry and lonely and bitter, and hateful too.” Rey could feel the tears building in her eyes. “I hate some of the other students for what they have. I know it’s wrong. I never had parents, let alone ones who could help me with college, and they get to have everything.” Rey’s voice cracked. “Gods, I do hate them. It’s not their fault, but I do.” Tears streamed freely down her face now. Rey realized that she was really fucking drunk. 

Rey fought the urge to hide her face. It was embarrassing to cry, but a part of her wanted to show him her vulnerability, her past, her pain, all of it. 

Ben pushed away from the table. The sound of the chair scraping against the floor nearly 

“Rey, look at me.” His voice was scarcely above a whisper. 

Ben’s face was not far from hers, and his eyes burned with intensity. He was looking at her like she was the most important thing in the world.

“Your story about the island… I must have read it a thousand times. I was there. I saw the island as clearly as I see you. The fear and loneliness, hope and strength, anger and desperation, I felt it all.” He leaned in toward her, his eyes searching her face, and then landing on her lips. 

Rey didn’t respond. She couldn’t, she didn’t know how. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and there was a tightness in her belly and a glow in her soul. 

Ben took Rey’s hand and drew her up to face him. He cupped her cheek with his hand and leaned down. He hesitated, his lips hovering barely an each away from hers.

“Can I –”

Rey cut him off by pressing her lips to his. Rey could taste the salt of her tears when she flicked her tongue out experimentally, he opened his mouth in answer, his tongue met hers. He groaned into her mouth as they explored each other. Ben’s hand tangled itself in her hair, and the other found its home on her back, pressing her to him. 

Rey rocked her hips into his. He was hard already, and she could feel her own body responding in kind. She grinded against him, desperate to relieve the tension which was building within her. Ben’s hand started to tug at her shirt, trying to wiggle its way beneath it. 

Bang bang bang!

They sprang apart. Ben’s eyes were wide, he looked to the door. The curtains were drawn, blocking them from view from whoever was knocking at the door. 

“They’ll go away,” Ben whispered. 

Rey nodded. She was equal parts disappointed and relieved. If that knock hadn’t come, she was certain they would have gone even further. She wanted to go further, to go all the way. To feel him within her. To kiss him over and over, to nip and suck at his skin, to wake up naked in his bed to the smell of pancakes. However, she knew that even if they spent the night together, the weekend, even the whole week or longer, that he would eventually discard her. 

“Ben, open up!” A male voice called. 

“Shit.” Ben hissed. “Hold on. I am going to get rid of him.” 

Rey stayed out of sight while Ben exchanged words in the doorway with a man whose voice, she recognized as belonging to Professor Skywalker. He was the chair of the English department and taught several courses. Rey had never had him, but had planned on it since everyone said his classes were fun and a guaranteed A. It was important to take some easier courses to take her mind off all the maths but also to provide a little padding for her GPA should she need it. 

“Not right now. I have company.” Rey could only hear Ben’s side of the conversation clearly. “No. Just a friend– I don’t know– Tell her thank you– Yes– I’ll see you on Christmas – Thanks. Goodnight– You too.” 

Ben returned with a container of sugar cookies and an apologetic shrug. 

“My aunt made extra. Want one?” Ben asked. 

Rey wanted to say yes. They looked good, and she did not make a habit of refusing free food. It felt like yes to a cookie would mean yes to everything, and she wanted everything, but she also couldn’t do anything to compromise her education. She had a shot, a shot at a real life. Ben was breathtaking, and he was the partner she had never imagined but somehow always needed. Rey knew that their tryst would be fun and exciting, no matter how long it lasted, but where would she be at the end? Who would she be? Even if Ben lost his teaching position, he would always be Ben Solo, the famous author. Right now, she could be anyone, anything. She could be an engineer, have a house like this one, have a family. Or, she could be that girl from Jakku who slept with her professor and lost her scholarship. There was no future for a relationship between them, and there was no future for her if things went bad. 

“I would, but it’s pretty late. Do you mind driving me back to my dorm?” It hurt Rey to say it, and she could tell by his expression that it hurt him too. 

“Of course. Let me pack you a couple to go really quick.” 

Rey stared up at the ceiling of her dorm. Her stomach was as full as her fridge. Ben had left her with a ziplock stuffed with cookies, and the leftover gnocchi and squash. Still, she felt empty.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudo and comment if you liked it! This is my first posted fanfiction and I would really appreciate feedback.


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